In the S/M world, Daddies are a dime a dozen. "Spank me, Daddy!" Nurturing yet tough, determined to raise his little boy or girl right, Daddy is a powerful archetype, to be sure.

Understandably, a lot of people separate Mommy vs. Daddy energy on a feminine vs. masculine axis. Since femme and butch are also divisible that way, it seems obvious that butches will be daddies, and vice versa.

If you're lucky (or you get around), you may have met a femme or two who also claims to be a Daddy. Well, why not? Daddy is such a powerful role, why wouldn't femmes want a taste of it, too?

Mommies are a lot rarer in the scene, though some might argue that they're even scarier than Daddies -- think of mother goddess Kali, all-consuming, all-destroying. When Mommy's mad, it seems she could eat the whole world. Most of the time, though, Mommy is derided as powerless, weak, placating. This is the legacy of sexism -- the male role is seen as powerful, the female as weak. A truly powerful woman can turn that imabalance on its head and reclaim that fearsome Mommy energy, but it takes a woman truly in touch with the power of femininity -- in other words, a stone-cold femme -- to pull that stunt off, right?

Nope.

I'm a butch Mommy, and proud of it.

People boggle when I say that. Mommies are all about aprons and ovens and curlers and stockings. Mommies are never butch.

Well, if your mind is stuck visualizing 50's-era housewives, maybe. I know a lot of short-haired, tough-as-nails, take-no-shit heads of household, though. And maybe you do too, if you think about it a little while. Those women are my role models.

I identify as Mommy rather than Daddy because my in-scene parental style is very different from Daddy. Daddy cares more about your development as a person; he spends more time in training and education. Mommy loves you just the way you are -- she is stern, but her love is unconditional. She makes sure you take care of your more basic needs -- eating, brushing your teeth, tying your shoes. Daddy is more distant, emotionally; Mommy can be smothering.

Mommy doesn't have good boundaries. She gave birth to you -- your body was once her body. There is no such thing as inappropriate touching to Mommy. And everyone is always younger than Mommy.

I am not an indulgent Mommy. I am no-nonsense, a disciplinarian. You can expect a hard spanking if you misbehave. You might also get a spanking just to remind you to be a good little boy or girl -- your red bottom will tell you, every time you sit down, what Mommy expects from you.

I do give treats, though. I'm a good cook, and I love to feed people. Milk and cookies after a scene would be a natural for me. I love cuddling, reading aloud, and playing with toys, and I love helping people out with difficult tasks so that they can learn to do them themselves. I like to refresh people and reinforce their self-esteem.

When people learn that I'm a butch Mommy, they often ask about my breasts. "would you offer a breast to someone as comfort?" someone asked me once. Many butches aren't entirely comfortable with their breasts; I know I'm not -- I have a cup size that people routinely boggle at (44G). But yes, I do like to cuddle people close to my chest, in a non-sexual way. It's nice that my body is soft and pillowed at these times. It's one of the few times I don't mind having a big chest.

This Mommy also has a dick. Is that weird? One person told me, "butches always have dicks. So of course, Mommy would have one 'cause she's butch." Exactly! Mommy's dick is just another extension of herself. Mommy likes to touch you everywhere. You want to make Mommy happy, don't you?

Mommy may be a neglected role in the S/M community, but it's a very powerful one. Could it be that some people are afraid of Mommy?

Come sit in my lap. There's nothing to be afraid of.

If you promise to behave.